What a lovely story. You bring such clarity to your reasons for choosing your mother's watch over jewelry with higher monetary value...your mother raised you with fine values!
I remember in the late 60's when my Mom had to go to work as my Dad was a homebuilder and as the mortgage mkt plummeted so did his income. I know he wasn't thrilled that my Mom had to get a job he accepted it. My siblings and I were in jr high (now called muddle school) & we sort of understood. By HS I was doing the cooking & most of the food shopping. Although she never had the career she wanted, she found work she could do and developed work friends.
Your story rings so close to home for me but my Mom outlived my Dad by over 30 yrs and he left her ok financially but she worked 10+ yrs after his death.
It's interesting...I think a lot of women like your Mom took jobs they didn't love for the higher reason of supporting their families. In contrast I know of so many men who lost jobs and wouldn't "stoop" to anything they didn't feel matched the job they lost...even though a paycheck was sorely needed. My Dad was in that camp.
My Dad took a job as project mgr with a fellow developer who was 20 yrs his jr and cane from $$ so the mkt changes didn't impact him the same. But w- 3 kids to send to college not working was sonething I doubt my Dad ever thought of
I grew up in the late 60s and early 70s, and my mom went back to work when I was in 4th grade. I was the youngest of four, and she stayed home until they realized that they wanted more income. I hated that she worked, but I benefited greatly from it because with both incomes my parents managed to send all four of their children to college with no loans. I am forever grateful. I am sorry for your story as that was hard on your parents for their having to break norms they thought mattered, and it makes me sad that you lost your mom when she was so young. Thanks for sharing your story. I love reading these reflections.
LOVE this, Kathryn. There's so much here: "But to her credit, when she finally realized she’d staked her future to a man who would not get out of his own way, she got down to business herself." I hear kindness toward your father--there are other ways you could have arrived at his role here--and the nature of your mother's will, neatly and accurately contained in the familiar phrase, "got down to business." This is an astute and honest portrait of complex expectations. Thank you.
I picked up and put down this story so many times trying to figure out how to portray my father without making him seem like a total bad guy, which he wasn't. The prejudices he felt were real...though I spent most of my life chiding him for not shaking them off. Now older and wiser I have more sympathy, but it's still such a shame he couldn't rise above it all. Now an incident that happened when I was in college is such a profound memory...my Dad was visiting me at what was then a women's college with lots of affluent girls and another father recognized him from New Haven. That father was from the perceived "right side" of the city and he said to my father: "I never thought I would see you at a place like this." Yikes.
Oh, I could relate to this, being Italian American myself (100%). My father (who often worked two jobs) wouldn't give my mom any spending money, so she would raid my piggy bank when I was younger. When I was twelve (in 1977), she finally got a job, but not a career like your mom. She didn't have that kind of confidence and always deferred to him. My dad didn't seem to mind that mom worked, but he always fretted about money. After reading your story, I think I better understand his insecurities and where they may have stemmed from. I would have chosen the watch too! Thank you for sharing!
Loved this story and can relate it to the relationship of my Italian-American and Irish-American in-laws in their marriage. Gave me perspective. My MIL, whom I loved deeply, was not so strong or courageous unfortunately. Thank you for sharing your understanding.
A tribute to overcoming patriarchal constraints and a very timely one.
I have coached women for over 20 years and I can say a lot of what my mother experienced still exists...
Yes. It’s a constant.
What a lovely story. You bring such clarity to your reasons for choosing your mother's watch over jewelry with higher monetary value...your mother raised you with fine values!
thank you!
I remember in the late 60's when my Mom had to go to work as my Dad was a homebuilder and as the mortgage mkt plummeted so did his income. I know he wasn't thrilled that my Mom had to get a job he accepted it. My siblings and I were in jr high (now called muddle school) & we sort of understood. By HS I was doing the cooking & most of the food shopping. Although she never had the career she wanted, she found work she could do and developed work friends.
Your story rings so close to home for me but my Mom outlived my Dad by over 30 yrs and he left her ok financially but she worked 10+ yrs after his death.
It's interesting...I think a lot of women like your Mom took jobs they didn't love for the higher reason of supporting their families. In contrast I know of so many men who lost jobs and wouldn't "stoop" to anything they didn't feel matched the job they lost...even though a paycheck was sorely needed. My Dad was in that camp.
My Dad took a job as project mgr with a fellow developer who was 20 yrs his jr and cane from $$ so the mkt changes didn't impact him the same. But w- 3 kids to send to college not working was sonething I doubt my Dad ever thought of
I love that you kept the watch!
I do, too!
I grew up in the late 60s and early 70s, and my mom went back to work when I was in 4th grade. I was the youngest of four, and she stayed home until they realized that they wanted more income. I hated that she worked, but I benefited greatly from it because with both incomes my parents managed to send all four of their children to college with no loans. I am forever grateful. I am sorry for your story as that was hard on your parents for their having to break norms they thought mattered, and it makes me sad that you lost your mom when she was so young. Thanks for sharing your story. I love reading these reflections.
Your Mom sounds like a great role model!
Lovely and so poignant. Well told. Thank you!
Appreciate your kind words!
LOVE this, Kathryn. There's so much here: "But to her credit, when she finally realized she’d staked her future to a man who would not get out of his own way, she got down to business herself." I hear kindness toward your father--there are other ways you could have arrived at his role here--and the nature of your mother's will, neatly and accurately contained in the familiar phrase, "got down to business." This is an astute and honest portrait of complex expectations. Thank you.
I picked up and put down this story so many times trying to figure out how to portray my father without making him seem like a total bad guy, which he wasn't. The prejudices he felt were real...though I spent most of my life chiding him for not shaking them off. Now older and wiser I have more sympathy, but it's still such a shame he couldn't rise above it all. Now an incident that happened when I was in college is such a profound memory...my Dad was visiting me at what was then a women's college with lots of affluent girls and another father recognized him from New Haven. That father was from the perceived "right side" of the city and he said to my father: "I never thought I would see you at a place like this." Yikes.
Oh, I could relate to this, being Italian American myself (100%). My father (who often worked two jobs) wouldn't give my mom any spending money, so she would raid my piggy bank when I was younger. When I was twelve (in 1977), she finally got a job, but not a career like your mom. She didn't have that kind of confidence and always deferred to him. My dad didn't seem to mind that mom worked, but he always fretted about money. After reading your story, I think I better understand his insecurities and where they may have stemmed from. I would have chosen the watch too! Thank you for sharing!
Lovely story. Well written.
Loved this story and can relate it to the relationship of my Italian-American and Irish-American in-laws in their marriage. Gave me perspective. My MIL, whom I loved deeply, was not so strong or courageous unfortunately. Thank you for sharing your understanding.
Definitely an interesting pairing! Thanks for your thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your mother's story. There is a lot here to consider in light of our current world.
Agree!
Kathryn, thank you for sharing your story. Your mother was courageous and creative. I'm sure she is thrilled that you have her watch.
I like to think she knows that!
This was so moving! When I read the story of this brave woman's life, the expression 'grace under pressure' came to mind.
Mom was a survivor. Thank you for your note.
What a powerful story of a mother's strength and a daughter's understanding of it. ♥️ Thank you for sharing it.
She never thought she was strong, but she really was!